I'm not sure if I should blog about my feelings. But I want to record reality. So much of life is wearing a mask and pretending. That doesn't help other people - especially when it is a leader who is pretending. I feel ok now, but yesterday evening I was pretty flat. I didn't believe I could miss my kids so much. It is partly having been on top of each other for a week - I was really forced to get to know them better.
I was also struggling to see how Jesus fits into my ministry here. It is part of the cross-cultural thing, I know, but many African churches seem to exist for the sake of the church not for the sake of Jesus or of the 'lost' -interpret lost as you will!
I feel more optimistic this morning. I can see the good. I'm glad to be working with Rev Mathiti who understands the African way. I'm glad to be working in an environment that seems to be less formal than I feared it would be. And if I am just a mossie wiping its beak on Table Mountain then I will at least make my little scratches diligently - God will bring about any change that is needed in his time.
I'm going to try to follow Tim Chester's Bible reading plan for the next three years. I got it through John Scheepers' blog. It starts with reading through Joshua - which is just so appropriate for where I am now. Joshua was a new leader, going into a new place. He took over from another leader who was well-respected. But God went to great lengths to assure him that he was with him. And the people's promise to follow him is really cool (Joshua chapter 1). I just read through the induction service for Sunday and I can see the similarities to Joshua's induction. Very cool and very encouraging.
So part of me feels that I am crazy to be here - when I could be with my family and be comfortable, but I hope that I can make a contribution to growing God's kingdom in this place.