Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Changing Focus

I find that the challenges I face as a student minister are not all the ones that I anticipated. For example, I quite enjoy the two days a week of college. My fellow students are intelligent and engaging. There is some 'been there and done that' on my part, but it is not anywhere near where it could have been. I do find circuit work (actual church work) unfulfilling at the moment, but I am sure that this will improve with time.

Over the weekend I thought about blogging and considered slowing down for two reasons. The one is that I am finding it difficult to blog what I really feel because of the diversity of my audience. It has always been diverse, but at the moment I am adapting to having readers from my 'old' congregation and from my 'new'. It is difficult to reflect without saying things that may imply a criticism of my old context or of my new context. And I don't want to have to caveat everything and explain in depth 'what I really mean'!

The other reason is related to this. I am finding that I need to spend time thinking through stuff that happens - processing it, if you like. I'm always like that, but with my new life I find I need more time. The problem is that I tend to reflect with my blog in mind and some of the more difficult issues I can't blog and so I don't work through them. And I wondered about slowing the blog down and forcing myself to reflect more fully, just to myself.

However, I think that having become aware of the issues, I can deal with them. But I am conscious of the fact that my life looks different. I need to focus on different things in different ways. Different things are going to stress me. And so my life changes and the blog changes. At least in my mind - might not actually look very different from the outside!

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