I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of call and vision. The negativity I have been feeling is still there in the shadows, but I think I have enough strength to fight it off for a bit longer. God is good.
There's a whole lot of things that have contributed to my feeling better, but I think the one that counts the most is the 'decision' that our family will be together next year, regardless of where I am sent. My daughters will have to choose whether they come with us or if they will make another plan, but they are old enough to do that.
I don't know how we will survive. We have money to eat for a few months if I have no stipend and Grant has no job, but beyond that we will rely on God. I think this is the right thing to do. But we will stay open to God leading in another direction.