I am actually, for the first time this year, starting to feel happy. It is an odd feeling because it is mixed with guilt - should I be feeling happy?I have psychologically stepped out of the cage - which I now visualise as being in the bottom lefthand corner of my life. It's there. It contains guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Some of that is real and some things are going to bite me sooner or later.
But I also feel more in control of my life. I feel that I can make this year work and be meaningful.The two things that I have done that I think help the most 1. I've promised myself to email a particular friend who is on the 'outside' once a week every week. This keeps me aware that there is meaning in my life beyond the seminary - there have been times that I've struggled to believe this. 2. I've commited to using most of Fridays and part of Monday afternoons for my own goals and ambitions in terms of study and writing. That has been in place for two weeks now and has been very liberating.There have been other changes that I have made, but they have risen from these two initial changes.
God is good.