Attempt to know yourself and in so-doing you will probably find God. That was part of Bishop Musi Losaba's message to Rev Mathiti and myself at our induction today. He preached on John 1:19-26 - the people came to John the Baptist and asked him who he was - a prophet, Elijah, the Christ? The bishop then suggested that people ask the same question of their new ministers. Who are you? A very interesting thought. The sermon was, however, in Xhosa, which I do not understand well enough to follow. I picked up the odd point and he gave the odd emphasis in English, but most of it I had to guess at! It was a good service, although long - as is to be expected in African services.
Today has been an odd day. Feeling great, feeling discouraged, great, discouraged. I never knew I could have such a rollercoaster of feelings. I am normally pretty much in control of myself. BUT so much is new and I am so far away from home. Friday night I dreamt about being abandoned by those closest to me - it showed me a lot of the reality of what I am feeling. My head knows that this my own choice and no one is abandoning me, but my psyche - something beyond my will -is feeling this sort of pain. Now is certainly a time when I say to myself, 'Don't rely on your feelings'. They are totally unreliable.
One of the odd things is that I feel almost more culture shock in my 'white/English-speaking context' than in the African context. The African is just like at home. But the set up at Commem is very different to North Rand. I also get depressed because now they are talking about six years of probation and three years at college. I will be so old when I am finished that, it doesn't seem worth it. I hope that they will give some sort of recognition of prior learning. The trouble is that I don't know everything and so I can never say that I don't need to learn more. I do. Lord - it is in your hands.
A good thing for me personally - I have found somewhere to play tennis and they tell me that there is plenty of social hockey organised by Rhodes University - even a Summer League. So in spite of having meetings and commitments at odd times, there is a good chance that I can get some sport. God is good!!