Attempt to know yourself and in so-doing you will probably find God. That was part of Bishop Musi Losaba's message to Rev Mathiti and myself at our induction today. He preached on John 1:19-26 - the people came to John the Baptist and asked him who he was - a prophet, Elijah, the Christ? The bishop then suggested that people ask the same question of their new ministers. Who are you? A very interesting thought. The sermon was, however, in Xhosa, which I do not understand well enough to follow. I picked up the odd point and he gave the odd emphasis in English, but most of it I had to guess at! It was a good service, although long - as is to be expected in African services.
Today has been an odd day. Feeling great, feeling discouraged, great, discouraged. I never knew I could have such a rollercoaster of feelings. I am normally pretty much in control of myself. BUT so much is new and I am so far away from home. Friday night I dreamt about being abandoned by those closest to me - it showed me a lot of the reality of what I am feeling. My head knows that this my own choice and no one is abandoning me, but my psyche - something beyond my will -is feeling this sort of pain. Now is certainly a time when I say to myself, 'Don't rely on your feelings'. They are totally unreliable.
One of the odd things is that I feel almost more culture shock in my 'white/English-speaking context' than in the African context. The African is just like at home. But the set up at Commem is very different to North Rand. I also get depressed because now they are talking about six years of probation and three years at college. I will be so old when I am finished that, it doesn't seem worth it. I hope that they will give some sort of recognition of prior learning. The trouble is that I don't know everything and so I can never say that I don't need to learn more. I do. Lord - it is in your hands.
A good thing for me personally - I have found somewhere to play tennis and they tell me that there is plenty of social hockey organised by Rhodes University - even a Summer League. So in spite of having meetings and commitments at odd times, there is a good chance that I can get some sport. God is good!!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
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I pray for you often. May this year be kind to you. You will experience many, many monets where you will be 'homesick' for the environment that you knew before arriving in Grahamstown. It happens to all of us when we move churches.
You nood to put some coping mechanisms in place:
+ join a sports club. Not only is sport a useful outlet for tension and frustration, but it is a great place for making friends in town.
+ go and visit my friend (our colleague) Peter Woods who is just down the road from you at the sea. he is a wonderfully level headed support.
Thanks Pete, I need kind words right now!
It is good that you will be able to play hockey and tennis, sometimes at least. Sport is good for you! And we certainly don't plan on doing any abandoning any time soon! :) Everybody at church asking after you, too.
Changes, commitments and separation often bring times of trial in ones life ask me I know. I read Ps 51 the other morning and this stuck with me and I am wondering what God is saying to me. Thought this may bring some answers and joy to you. Will kep you in my prayers.
Psa 51:12 Restore the joy of your salvation to me, and provide me with a spirit of willing obedience.
Psa 51:13 Then I will teach your ways to those who are rebellious, and sinners will return to you.
Thanks for your support guys! I know that I am just adapting and adjusting and things will get better.
I'm also thinking of you and praying for you at this time. I know that we are poor substitutes, but I pray that your fellow Phase Ones can be a "family" to you this year.
The phase ones are a great bunch of people, aren't they? I think we will have fun.
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