Mouse Fest

My eldest daughter decided to buy herself two pet mice. We have never had mice in the family before - well not intentionally anyway! They have provided some amusement and entertainment. This week my husband and two of my kids wangled their way into Arise Fest. This is a two night Christian music concert held at Midmar Dam. The rest of us, feeling a little left out, created Mouse Fest - an obstacle course deluxe for teenage mice!


I will blog again about church and theology soon!

Plantation

This is the entrance to the plantation which runs behind our house for kilometres. It is open to the public as a nature reserve and we have enjoyed walking there - although it is unmaintained and very muddy!

Patriotism/ Nationalism

The story of Rahab in the early chapters of Joshua has recently made me wonder. She betrayed her city by taking in the Israelite spies. When I read that, I actually think that she is a bit of a rat. But now I am realising that I have been taken in too much by nationalism and ethnic consciousness that is so prevalent today. Loyalty to the nation or ethnic group does not come before loyalty to God. So obvious from a Biblical point of view. So not-obvious to most of us South Africans today.

Holiday Thoughts

Christmas is over - the new year can begin! Part of me is impatient to get going. Part of me says that I should enjoy the holiday while I can!
We have found that we have had a more relaxed December than we have had for years. 2008 saw me preparing to move and moving to Grahamstown. 2009 saw the same for Pietermaritzburg, but the whole family this time. This year we moved house, but otherwise things have stayed much the same.
My brain is not even constantly struggling over theological problems! So I don't have much to blog . . .
My big frustration is with UKZN. I want to be thinking about my PhD plans and thesis, but communication from them is close to zero. Maybe I'm going about it in the wrong way . . .
Maybe God is telling me to take a holiday!

Bible Reading

I was faithfully following a three year Bible reading plan until I realised that the plan was repeating sections before the three year cycle was up. I am now hoping to do a one year plan and will, God-willing, have read through the whole Bible again before the end of 2011. The plan that I have chosen is a bit different to most because it doesn't allow one to get bogged down in one section or book of the Bible (the stretch through Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy, for instance, can be a bit heavy), but has an epistle on Sunday, Law on Monday, history on Tuesday and so on. The plan can be found here. I am looking forward to it!

Gypsy

This is our new toy. We are hoping to have many good hours on Midmar Dam!

Summer Solstice

Yesterday was the solstice - or the longest day of the year in the Southern hemisphere. Because we are hoping to do some sailing in the holidays we've been looking at weather forecasts a bit more carefully. This particular forecast also shows the actual length of the day and of visible daylight for your location. It is really cool! So both today and yesterday in Pietermaritzburg were/will be 14 hours and 2 minutes long. Tomorrow will be 3s shorter. In Johannesburg the days are less than 14 hours so this is the place to be!
Weather Underground is the source of this information and other cool facts. (The link takes you to my location near Midmar Dam!)

Planning, dreaming, praying

Now I am almost on holiday! The trips are done. The house move is made - although the house is not the greatest. The boxes are mostly unpacked. So now there is time to think about next year from a refreshed point of view. Time to actually think about what Jesus might want from me. Time to prioritise my dreams and aspirations.
And I am grateful that there is space to dream. That there is space for me to serve the church and to grow myself. Going back to seminary next year won't be so bad.

Digital Christmas

Have you seen the Digital Christmas Youtube video? Funny!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkHNNPM7pJA

Wet!

Well, this morning I drove from Johannesburg to Pietermaritzburg and needed my windscreen wipers on all the way! It was pouring in Jhb and I see from news reports that roads are being closed. Fortunately the rain was less from about 150km outside Johannesburg - and it is barely raining in Pietermaritzburg.
Tick another thing off on my 'things I have done' list!

That Jazz just keeps going . . .

It is a funny thing. My Honda Jazz is now two years old. It spent its first year of life taking me around Grahamstown and Port Elizabeth and did an average of 2000km a month. The strange thing is that this year in Pietermaritzburg I have also done close to 2000km a month. I can't quite figure it out. Last year I did a 130km trip to PE and back every week. I travelled 50km to 100km to various churches on Sundays. But local travel was very low - about 1.5km to the office and I used to walk to the shops.
This year I have travelled to Howick and back on average twice a week - that's about 20km from Pmb. There has been the occasional trip to Durban - about 90km. But local travel is a bit more - it was about 8km from our family home to the seminary. It is a bit frightening how much these little trips add up.
After 2 years the Jazz is still going well and I am still very pleased with it!

Imperium

I recently read 'Imperium' by Robert Harris. I think it was recommended by Ben Witherington on his blog. It was recommended as a good book to get an idea of the Roman world in the time of Jesus - for those of us that don't want to read more strictly academic publications!
I enjoyed it. It tells the story of the Roman lawyer Cicero and the author claims that at least 50% of the action is historically true and that there is nothing in his telling that could not possibly be true.
Along the way we meet Crassus who crucified thousands of slaves along the Appian way. Also Julius Caesar as a reckless, scheming youngster. It is so easy to see how Paul would fit into this saga - although he appears in history about 100 years later. Cicero's crafted arguments and political tactics illustrate the world that Paul lived in. Definitely a helpful book to read!

Time to Stop

We are going to the beach for a few days! We are all enjoying the novelty that this will be a 90 minute journey rather than the 7 hours from Johannesburg that we are used to.
We all need the break. It has been very good to be busy, and I hope useful, but now it is time to stop!

The photo is of the Grade R group singing a song at their graduation yesterday afternoon at Brentwood pre-school. We are very proud of them and their teachers!

Landed again

It might be a bit soon to say 'settled', but we have landed in our new house in Pietermaritzburg. Everything seems good - the washing machine doesn't leak, the geyser works. We feel like we are living in a jungle because we are right on the edge of a bluegum plantation (nice).
This is my fourth home in four years! And that is not counting the two flats that I had (I still have one) at seminary and the two nights a week that I spent in PE last year. I am learning not to be tied to place or physical things. I am still so grateful to be in the same town as my family, unlike last year when we were 1000 km apart!

Carols by Candlelight

This photo shows part of our seminary choir singing at the circuit carols by candlelight on Friday. This event was held in the seminary chapel.

Detached

Life feels a little detached at the moment. We are in the final stages of moving house, I'm finishing up my church work for the year, the seminary programme is done. In less than a week we'll be going away for a few days - we all need the break!

Leaping Greek

I went to the Greek text, while preparing my sermon for today, for the first time since I've been studying Greek. I have used an interlinear Bible on and off for quite a while, even though I haven't done much formal Greek study. This time going to the Greek was so exciting! Phrases leapt off the page as I understood them. This is just so awesome!

Tentatively

Tentatively I look out from the tunnel where I have been hidden the last two days. Between exams and unexpected lectures I have been struggling a bit. I look around to see what's waiting on this new day. Aghh no! Back into the tunnel. Just a bit more digging and I'll be through.
But it's all good. Most of it is Jesus stuff - which is where the action should be!

Eunuchs

On Sunday the Local Preacher at Brentwood preached on Isaiah 56. I think he focused on the importance of keeping the Sabbath, but I was struck by the references to eunuchs. I am familiar with passages in the Bible where God offers hope to barren women, but this passage that talks of infertile men was off my radar screen! vs 3 and 5
And let not any eunuch complain, 'I am only a dry tree.' . . . better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off.

Yenza ngentando yakho

My only participation in the service at Brentwood on Sunday was to 'pray for the congregation' at the request of the local preacher taking the service. He was touched by the prayer and requested that the congregation sing hymn 238 in the Zulu Methodist hymn book. The third verse goes like this:

Kunguwe onamandla onke
Onokuhlakanipha konke
Kunguwe onomusa wonke
Yenza ngentando yakho.

The last line is the same for all the verses. This verse simply means, 'you have all the power, you have all the wisdom, you have all the grace (or kindness), do according to your will'.
It expresses such a simple and yet real faith - God is good. We can trust him. Let him do his will in our lives.

Recharging

I think I am starting to get a handle on the importance of ministers taking a day off every week. I spoke to someone this week asking him why he felt our Friday chapel worship didn't work so well the previous week. Using my own words, what he basically said is that it lacked energy.
I am wondering if energy isn't the gift that a minister offers a congregation. I know that when I am strong I can walk into a meeting or lead a worship service and raise the energy level. When I am tired or not confident in the situation I can't - or at least not easily.
The other thing that energy does is allow a minister to be flexible. Organising stuff at seminary is so difficult because the schedule is changing constantly and it is really hard to get people together for, say, a worship practice. Now try to organise something that puts people in the seminary together with people outside the seminary - one has to be flexible.
I know that I am tired at the moment. I know that I am struggling to bring energy. I know that I want to just give up and cry when something doesn't come right. And I'm not complaining - this is life, but I'm trying to figure it out.
The third thing about energy - and especially as a mother - is that a day off means that you stop working for the church and work for the family or household instead. So my Saturday means cleaning the kitchen and doing the ironing as well as sermon prep if I am preaching. It isn't really a day off.
I know that I would be stronger if I took a week day and just did my own thing. Got away from the family, or did a fun thing with them. And I would be far more effective as a minister. I could bring energy because I would have energy. I could be flexible. I could cope with the unexpected situation. Of course, taking the day off while others are slaving away would also be perceived as lazy. So I need to make the conscious step to deal with that.
I suddenly understand the difference between this and a desk job. I can work on computer programming and web stuff for hours. But I never need to supply energy to the people or world around me. If I am tired I can just bury myself in my work. Hide away. A minister can do that quite a lot, but that is not the point of ministry.
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. In God's strength maybe I can get that right. I know this is nothing new. I know Jesus did it. But I think I've really understood it for the first time.

Cute

Two of our Brentwood Grade R graduates. I am working on graduation certificates with their photos!

Izikathi zewashi

SMMS Zulu exam today. Telling the time: first the number (in zulu) then lemizuzu (which means minutes) then emuva or phambi (after or before) then kwehora (hour) and the number of the hour.
Good luck us!

. . . and culture

I am struggling with thoughts for a post about homosexuality and culture, but can't get them together properly.
So here is another thought about church and culture. Contextualisation. Tall Skinny Kiwi has written a blog post about 'Skate Churches'. He tells of churches that have built Christian conversations with young people by engaging them through skateboarding and surfing. For me, this is what missional Christianity is all about. This is where the Great Commission comes into action. This is what Jesus did - only skateboarding wasn't relevant in his earthly day so he got involved with fishermen and tax collectors and so on.
I have been involved in English-speaking Methodist Churches that can see this vision. They might be nervous, but they would be willing to step cautiously into the gap. However, from my point of view, the black Methodist Church could never even conceive of taking such a step. Church is as much about its form as its content. This is a problem for me.
Black Consciousness and Steve Biko followers will tell me to sit down and shut up. A white person shouldn't talk to black people about how they do church.
Yet I don't see myself as separate from other South Africans. Our destiny is in the same vehicle. There is not one world for black and one for white. We are all in this together.
Sometimes - no, often - we are driven by ideals that are illogical and inconsistent. I feel helpless!
But I suspect that with perseverance we will see Jesus' plan for South Africa.

Brentwood - looking good

When the service started at Brentwood yesterday there was only a handful of people there. That is fairly usual, but I was particularly worried because there has been a bit of a blow up amongst the congregation members over the last few weeks. Some people are frustrated that things aren't happening fast enough in the church and have been trying to bypass the elected leaders. It came to a head last week and Rev Kumalo held a congregational meeting and they did some serious talking.
Everything thing seemed to be resolved and resolved well, so I was hoping to see a good turn out on Sunday. And I did. I left the service early, but by then, the church was full!
So I have a lot of hope for Brentwood. Rev Kumalo's opinion is that power struggles are second nature to the church and as ministers we just have to learn to deal with them. This is not a part of ministry that appeals to me!

Feeling Lost

The trouble with catching up and having less urgent stuff to do is that I start to feel lost. And oddly enough, inadequate. Do I really matter any more?
I know that it is just a transitional feeling. I know that I will find other things to fill up my time. But in the meantime it is an unpleasant feeling. It is also a reminder to have more in my life than just church work. Outside interests are vital. But I struggle with that - and do get too caught up with work.
Jesus never seemed to feel guilty about going off on his own . . .

Winning!

Today I woke up feeling like I wanted to work. The last few weeks have been rough, but I am winning! Things are going off my 'to do' list faster than others are arriving. I am catching up.
I spent most of yesterday morning at the Phakamisa programme in Pinetown and I feel much more comfortable that the Pietermaritzburg project is on track. This is such an awesome opportunity.
Today I need to get my worship programme for Friday printed out before I go out at 9am. I will meet my husband at the seminary chapel where I hope he will help identify any major outstanding issues with the sound system. Tomorrow we meet with the guy from Wesley Methodist who will be doing the sound for the carol service. It seems bitty, but this is foundational for future community ministry based at the seminary chapel.
Then, a local meeting regarding Phakamisa and this afternoon will be devoted to Brentwood. I can even, almost, get excited about trying to create a comprehensible financial statement for the year so far!
Let Jesus rule . . .

Brentwood Web Page

I've spent the last couple of days working on a website for Brentwood. I've debated quite a lot with myself as to whether this is a useful thing to do or not. Why should a tiny, fairly poor community have a web page? How will they maintain it? Will it have any impact at all on the local community?
In favour of the web page is the fact that the church receives international sponsorship and this will allow the sponsors to see that there is life in the church.
As to the rest - maybe the community will rise to the opportunity. Maybe it will be surprisingly successful. It is easier for Jesus to work through us when we are moving!
www.brentwood.org.za

What do I want?

People sometimes ask me what sort of church I want to be a minister in. Or where I want to go. I am asking myself what I enjoy about ministry. What breathes life into me and what breathes death. I guess when I've figured that out I'll have a better idea of where I'd like to be - one day when I am a grown up minister and may have some choice in the matter!
This is actually something I am struggling with. It could be that all things come as a mixture - preaching involves preparation, delivery and response. Most ministry is a combination of admin and people - the Brentwood preschool demands my listening presence, almost as a priority. There is a lot of admin for me because the people there just aren't sophisticated to do it - although they can see what they want. I don't much enjoy either - yet the impact that it makes when I do listen and help almost makes it worth it.
But I'm still not really getting to the nub of it. Maybe that's why we just hide the whole thing under the term 'calling'. I do it because there is the sense that this is what Jesus is asking from me. Neither enjoyment or impact is actually relevant.
Still not there . . . very much thoughts in progress for this week!

Headaches

Somedays you know things just aren't going to happen. The weather in Pietermaritzburg has been hot and humid. I started with a headache yesterday - so I didn't work on my assignment yesterday afternoon as planned. Never quite got to even opening the file on my computer. Instead I saw that John van de Laar's new book was available on Kindle. I've been meaning to explore Kindle and get his book, so I downloaded the Kindle PC app and then I downloaded the sample of John's book.
Then my internet connection hung, which it does occasionally, so I thought I'd try out the new AVG PC analyser. Then I saw that it was just a hook to get you to buy their tool, so I downloaded the latest version of Ccleaner and ran it. Then I got my internet connection working and got Kindle working and then I started reading John's book. Then it was time to do something else.
But the headache is still there today - so I either struggle through it until the weekend, or I just drop all but the essentials and hope that it's gone by lunchtime - which is usually what happens if I do drop everything.
Not complaining! Just for the record - even Christians get headaches, have hard days, struggle with life. Even ministers in training. Even mothers.

More on believing and being

A question that keeps coming up in emerging theology circles - and others I suppose is, 'When did faith become an assent to a set of doctrines?' It's a good question. Can I only be a Christian if I believe certain things? Let's put aside the belief in the centrality of Jesus and the cross, for now - although there are some who don't even see that as necessary. Does it matter whether or not I believe in substitutionary atonement? The virgin birth? The priesthood of all believers? Surely being a Christian isn't a matter of ticking the right boxes on a doctrinal multiple choice paper?
But then, many of these same people to convince you in theological discussion will say, 'it all depends on how you see God. What is your picture of God?' And this is also a good question. Absolutely, how we see God affects our behaviour, our lifestyle, our faith.
But our picture of God depends on our beliefs about God and that comes back to doctrine. So faith IS an assent to certain doctrines - starting with our picture of God - whether we see him as a God of love or punishment or suffering or whatever. Which boxes about God did you tick?
Maybe questions about the virgin birth don't seem so relevent. But ultimately, what you believe about God is going to affect your behaviour, lifestyle etc.
The trouble is that in the past people have simply ticked boxes without applying it to their brains and their lives. They could tick boxes - know what they ought to believe - but not translate it into actual belief and therefore lifestyle change.
Faith is belief (doctrinal assent) that results in relationship with Jesus and a changed lifestyle.

Good news and good news

I just got a letter from UKZN saying that I've been accepted for a PhD next year. I'm not sure which track they are expecting me to do (Practical Theology or Biblical Studies), but whatever is fine!
And I am pretty sure that my family has a house for next year. We should be picking up the keys today.
God is good.

That time of year

University lectures are finished. I enjoyed my Greek so much - thanks to a great lecturer at UKZN (Pat Bruce). Now I am feeling holidayish, but I can't stop yet. Now is the time for sowing the seeds for next year. I am excited because there are a number of projects that are on the horizon - I feel very blessed to have so many options. My problem is that I am afraid of overcommitting myself. There is also the possibility (at the back of my mind) that the seminary will overrule some of what I want to do - I am still a student/seminarian! I don't think that will happen - at least not in an unreasonable way - but it adds to the uncertainty. So this week I am running around with Brentwood things - the preschool graduation is coming up and I want to help them make their big ideas happen. We are hoping to start doing training of pre-school teachers in Pietermaritzburg as part of Phakamisa which is based at Pinetown Methodist Church. This is just such an exciting opportunity - children matter, especially here and now. I also hope to be more involved in Prestbury Methodist Church as part of my internship programme so there is thinking and planning happening there. Academics - my PhD is on a new track, but still not a fast moving one. I don't know if it is going to come together.
So for now, I keep planting, trying to remember to pray, and we'll see what the Lord allows, or causes, to grow!

Believing and Being

Something someone said or implied at the recent MERM conference has stuck with me. Someone said that people with more liberal theological beliefs often struggle with low morale. The implication or statement (I can't remember how it was phrased) struck me because in the Methodist Church in South Africa we see an increase in liberal beliefs and an increase in low morale. But I would never have thought of relating them.
As I have thought about it on and off in the last few weeks I am seeing a possible relationship. Certain theologians prefer to focus on the 'now' of salvation rather than the future - to the point of excluding future salvation altogether. This is valuable in combating the extreme of only focusing on future salvation, but I do think leads to low morale in the here and now. Jesus did pray for the coming of his kingdom on earth and we should be working for that. But we also need to hang on to the promise of a time that is coming that will be better. If we only live for the kingdom of God now and there is little visible sign of its coming we become discouraged. We need the knowledge that it is not all about now, but partly about the not yet.
Paul says, 'If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.' 1 Corinthians 15:19. I believe in Jesus who brings hope upon hope!

15 Authors (meme)

15 Authors (meme)
Fifteen authors (poets included) who’ve influenced you and that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag at least fifteen friends, including me, because I’m interested in seeing what authors my friends choose.

I was tagged by Steve Hayes over at Khanya for this one - thanks Steve, fun!
Although I find this similar to having to do the thank you's after an event - you're sure you're going to forget someone really significant! But let's have a go - in no particular order.

1. Isaac Asimov
2. Robert Heinlein (earlier books)
3. JRR Tolkien
4. CS Lewis
5. John Ortberg
6. Rick Warren
7. Terry Pratchett
8. Ken Schenck
9. Andre Brink
10. CS Forester
11. Zakes Mda
12. Millard Erickson
13. Richard Foster
14. The Bronte Sisters
15. Aldous Huxley

I'm fairly sure that if I took my time I would change this list, but there we go. Some explanation:
Two names that definitely would not come off - John Ortberg and Terry Pratchett. If I could be anyone other than me I'd like to be one of them! Just make Terry Pratchett a Christian :-) They both write with such insight.
Tolkien, CS Lewis - need I say anything?
Asimov and Heinlein - read when I was a teenager - the great unknown, survival against the odds.
Rick Warren, Richard Foster, Millard Erickson, Ken Schenck - Christian writers that help me see things more clearly.
Brink, Mda - South African writers that communicate South Africanness to me.
CS Forester - Hornblower was my hero for a long time - we see life from inside his soul, his fears and weakness (similar to Harry Potter early books).
Bronte Sisters - fascinated by their taking on of the male dominated world of literature.
Aldous Huxley - too likely to come true.

And so to tag some others:

Peter Houston
Gus Kelly
John van der Laar
Mark Penrith
Charli H
Delme Linscott
David Barbour
Ian Webster
Steve Hayes

Details

I am struggling at the moment with 'detail work'. I am much better at big picture things - and really hope that one day I will have a secretary! But now I find myself sitting with plenty to do - useful stuff, but dragging my heels to do it. I need to resize photos to put on the SMMS web page - the whole thing will take only 15 or 20 minutes. There are some emails I need to send, just to keep people up to speed with a project that we are doing -10 minutes. The PowerPoint for tomorrow's worship - 30 minutes - no maybe a bit longer, because there are new songs. I must make some photocopies. Remember to get the keys for the sound desk for tomorrow's worship. And so on.
The upside is that if I just put my head down and get on with it I will actually have achieved a lot in a short time!
So to work . . .

Do we need to appease the Ancestors?

In a sense this is the easiest question to answer, but also the hardest. Easy insofar as the Bible says that we should worship God alone and through Jesus only. Therefore making sacrifices to the ancestors or being obedient to them constitutes syncretism. But it is hard because for many African people the belief is that if the ancestors are not kept informed as to events in the lives of their children they may become angry and withhold blessing or send misfortune. This is so far from my western Christian worldview that I struggle to engage with it - but I know for some, this is part of their upbringing and they see no reason for it not to be true.
It would be good if there were black Africans who could engage with me on this . . .
So next question - how do we turn the theological blogosphere less white?
How do we get black Africans to trust white Africans with their theological thoughts?

INTJ - the friendship and the fear

The title of this post comes from a song by Matt Redman - I'm pretty sure that he's not talking about Myers-Briggs though.
The friendship - when I read the profile description of INTJ's it fits me so well it is scary. But it makes me feel good because I feel more 'normal' - maybe I am not so way out there different as I sometimes feel. Usually when I do tests that claim to 'profile' me I find that I sort of see myself in the result, but it's not striking. The MBTI does fit me quite well.
The fear - am I nothing more than a predictable result of my genes and my circumstances? If this fits me so well, then all I have done is submitted to the natural course of events. My achievements are not mine, my failings are not mine. I am just a piece of straw blowing in the wind.
It really is a reminder that God has made me who I am and whatever that is, I should be using for his work and his glory. No need for pride in achievements, but also no need for beating myself over my head for my weaknesses. Not that I can just let those weaknesses rest . . .

Being INTJ

I go through days where I feel 'anarchical'. I think I found something of an explanation here:

INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Some days, running the simulation is just too much effort!

Heartening

I preached at Brentwood (the little Zulu church where I work) this morning, and somehow it was encouraging. For one thing the church was open and things were happening at 9am - there have been times when I have arrived to find the door still shut. One of the ladies is running a Sunday School for the children that seems to be very successful - she can only have been doing it for a few weeks, but there are quite a few children. Many of the congregation were wearing their organisation uniforms and it is a sign of a genuine interest in the church, of making an effort.
I had a sense, for whatever reason, that they were glad to have me there today!

Ancestors - do they have power over us?

When I was in Grahamstown last year our circuit went on a 'mission' to the people of a township near Alexandria (which is near Bushman's River Mouth). In, what is often true Methodist style, we had no training or preparation for this - but I suspect that one gets the hang of it after a while. I found myself as the spiritual expert (minister!) of a small group of people going from home to home. I was expected to spontaneously give a sermon at each home. The weather was rainy and at one home there was quite a large number of people gathered - it was quite an opportunity to give an evangelistic message, because the people did not seem to be church-goers, and I did so. This was well-received and I was relieved because there was a sense of 'aggression' in the home that I could not understand.
As we were leaving a belligerent looking young man came after us and said he wanted to ask me a question. He pointed to the African shrine in the corner of the garden or yard. What about this? What about the ancestors? I was quite scared and didn't have time for a thought out answer and just said, 'Jesus is more powerful than any ancestor could be.' Suddenly the man was full of smiles and said that he was glad to hear what I had to say.
It was only a long time after that I understood that the reason he was glad was that I hadn't just said that the ancestors don't exist. It wasn't helpful to him to be told that something he perceived as a real and dangerous power in his life did not exist. But to be told that there was a greater power was helpful.
More in another post!

Slowing down . . .

The end of the year is really coming. I have written my Unisa Zulu exam, so that is now done and finished. One more week of Greek lectures at UKZN. This morning when I thought through what I needed to do today I didn't need to stress, doable. I should be able to take tomorrow and work on my PhD proposal. I don't need to work on Saturday, except to prepare a sermon.
But slowing down, the tiredness kicks in. Even though the work is less, I don't want to do it! Push just a little harder, just a little further, nearly there. I hope that being a minister isn't like this - I don't suppose it is . . .

Do Ancestors speak?

If we accept the possibility that in fact the ancestors do live among us, the question is, 'Do these ancestors interact with us? In particular, do they speak to us?'
African culture and religious belief relies heavily on the concept of guidance by the ancestors. They believe that ancestors speak to them in their dreams and direct them. While western Christians talk about the call of God on their lives, Africans will speak of the call of the ancestors. I am not sure whether the church, by and large, has managed to differentiate between these two ideas of calling.
Now, what does the Bible say about the dead speaking to us?
We have the Old Testament prohibition against consulting the dead - which Saul defied when visiting the witch of Endor. We also have Hebrews 11:4 which says that Abel, though dead still speaks. We have the Lord's refusal to allow the rich man to warn those still alive of the future consequences of their actions. We have the meeting between Jesus, Elijah and Moses on the mountain of transfiguration.
In cases where people are spoken to by spirits these are always referred to as dangerous, if not evil - and there is no case where the spirit is permitted to remain. There are so many instances of spirits being cast out that I don't think I need to list them!
Perhaps I should mention three other 'experiential things'. I don't believe that I have ever conversed with a dead person. I do believe that when someone has experienced the loss of a loved one there is the tendency to believe that the loved one is around, watching over them and listening to them. The Roman Catholics' belief in the intercession of the saints may come into this discussion somewhere.
However, I cannot come to the conclusion that the Bible admits of safe, healthy interaction with the dead. The trend is to warn us away from 'other' spirits. So, if the dead are living amongst us communication with them is not the norm - to say the least.
**
It occurred to me after writing this that I have not taken angels into account. Angels are really God's messengers - could he use ancestors in this way? It is possible - although then one would assume that the ancestors are living with God (as we know the angels do) and not among us.

Of Houses

We thought we had a place for the family to stay, but it turns out that the house we were offered was only available for six months. And besides, someone else managed to sign a lease before us!
So we are looking again. Enough space for border collies and four teenagers. We were really lucky/blessed to find the place where we are now so easily (not that it felt easy at the time!)
We are looking at a place tomorrow - it looks about 80% alright. I don't think we can afford to be fussy.

Ancestors, Africa and Syncretism

Here's something I've been meaning to formulate for a while and was motivated to do as part of an email discussion. There will be probably be another two posts or so later as I explore these questions. Unfortunately, I don't think my conclusions will be very creative. Let's see!

The previous writer in the discussion said, “but surely the position and location of the spirits of the dead is a theological question, and a sort of undifferentiated African Sheol located in the home is irreconcilable with the Biblical revelation?”

Is there anything in the Bible that prevents the possibility of this African Sheol? I know that Science (which could be called a western cultural construct) denies the possibility of the spirits of the dead being amongst us. When someone is dead, they are gone from the world. I am comfortable with that. But the same science says that what I perceive to be divine guidance is simply a certain natural (or unnatural) functioning of the brain and also that Jesus could not have risen from the dead. So in this case I choose not to go along with science. But as regards the living dead, perhaps all we have is a cultural conflict.

Bearing my western cultural prejudice in mind – what does the Bible say about the dead?

Jesus says that God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob – but he is a God of the living not the dead. We are surrounded by the cloud of witnesses in Hebrews. Jesus tells the parable of the rich man and Lazarus – where the rich man observes the living. Saul and the witch of Endor. What if we read these passages from an African worldview rather than a scientific western?

What happens after death? We are not too sure whether we go instantaneously to heaven/judgement or whether we must wait for the end of the world. Again, some of our understanding of these issues is based on the western philosophical concept of eternity as being ‘outside of time’ – this is not necessarily a Biblical concept.

But it might be that in my attempt to see things from ‘the other side’ I am missing some things that supports the western point of view – and I would appreciate any guidance in that regard!

The reason that I am thinking what I am thinking is not because I want to encourage syncretism, but rather that I feel if there is error in the African way of thinking, we need to be sure where that error lies. I do not believe that the ancestral spirits have the power to intercede for us and that can be shown from the Bible. We don’t need to appease them, again Biblical. But can we reject their existence based on Biblical evidence?

As it is written

Friday's venture into the library in search of preliminary reading for my PhD was very successful. I am now reading 'As it is written: Studying Paul's Use of Scripture'. This is a collection of essays edited by Stanley E Porter and Christopher D Stanley. It is spot on what I am looking for as an introduction to my topic. It is also published in 2008 which is great - I have managed to choose a contemporary topic and find an up to date resource.
I also have 'Paul's Narrative Thought World' by Ben Witherington III - and I supect this is going to help me link in the South African element. How would South African struggle and post-struggle narratives shape our thought worlds and thus our hermeneutic?
However, the question still remains as to whether the South African angle can meaningfully add to our understanding of hermeneutics. I think I have enough of an idea to make a Masters - but I've got to crank it up a bit to get to PhD level.
I enjoy this very much. Maybe I should make next year at seminary an academic year!

Guilt Reduction

Today is to be devoted to reducing the sense of guilt that I have that I cannot do everything that people want me to do!
So I will be working on finding reading for my PhD and maybe homing in on a topic. I will be working on Zulu, for which I have a Unisa exam on Wednesday. And I will be working on my Greek with which I am currently always a step behind.
And I will take my teenage daughter shopping.
All things that I enjoy and have a sense of immediate benefit to me!!
Does that make sense - that it reduces guilt? Doesn't matter - because today I am not feeling guilty about ANYTHING!

I ought to be

I ought to be more aware of what is happening with Lausanne III.
I ought to have been awake enough to catch the same-sex synchroblog.
I ought to be participating more in other people's blogs.
These oughts ought to be telling me something!

Looking good

We seem to have found a house for the family for next year - or rather from next month! It is not as fancy as where we stay now, but there is space for each child to have their own bedroom and enough garden to keep both dogs and boys happy. It is on a rather noisy main road which is a drawback - but it has a pool and the rent is lower than where we are now. I think that we can be happy there. God always has the answer!
I've been speaking to the seminary president about my plans and hopes for next year at seminary and I think that we will work out something useful. I am finding that there is too much that I want to do - and it is very difficult to know what to drop. Which is a much better place to be in than having too much that I don't want to do! The principal components of the plan are my PhD studies and working in a local church. Nothing that requires too much rocket science to put together, but somehow it does require a fair amount of thought.

Killing ourselves gently (2)

I have been struggling with how to express the idea of this post, so I am just going to go ahead and see what happens.
A major part of Jesus' ethos was humility and not 'lording it' over others. He consistently tells us to take the lower place and put others first. Amongst Christians, understandably, this has become the 'way to be and the way to do things'. However, Jesus doesn't actually completely do away with the idea of respecting our elders and giving honour to those who deserve it. But we have forgotten that part.
The problem comes in that if someone because of their ability is promoted to an area of greater responsibility there would under certain systems be an expectation of greater reward, respect and status. This is many ways compensates for the increased stress and pressure. BUT because we need to see everyone equal and we feel that striving for status is wrong we do not wish to reward these people for what they are doing. In fact, we may make them feel guilty for having achieved a position that can be seen as a status position. For this reason many people (who have all the right Christian principles in mind) resist taking any position of authority - in spite of the fact that he or she may well be the best person for the job. And so - those with less qualms and possibly less ability get planted in positions of responsibility.
I wonder if we don't need to regain a sense of giving people status and privilege where it is due. Now, how do we stop people pursuing position for the privilege it gives?

Church Camp

My family and I went to Dawnview campsite this weekend with Prestbury Methodist Church on their family camp. It was a good break for me! I enjoyed just being part of the group without the pressure of either being a seminarian (I am in this situation to learn) or of being a minister (I have a leadership responsibility to the group). It was a time where I could just 'be' and enjoy the discussions. The group was small enough that we could all participate - in the spiritual work and in the fun times.
My children enjoyed being with other kids and also the fact that they were welcome in the activities, but were also welcome to go off and play if they wanted to.
It was good to get to know people. Prestbury, for me, is where I go to church on Sunday evenings, but for the rest of my family it is their church home. It was nice to get to know the people they know!
God is good.

Animals and Culture

Here are two interesting ways of seeing life and nature:

[St] Francis seems to believe that there is a knowing passing between all creatures, and that the animals have a kind of consciousness that they can give to us. Have you ever let an animal hold a gaze into your eyes? I know it from my Black Lab, Venus, and from other animals I have encountered in nature. It is somehow healing and connecting at a deep level. It is always compassionate. (Richard Rohr)


You track the antelope. He knows you are there. He knows he has to give you his strength. But he runs and you have to run. As you run you become like him. It can take hours and exhaust you both. You talk to him and look into his eyes. And then he knows he must give you his strength so your children can live. (Vimbai Gukwe Chivaura)

Tears of Hope

I am reading Tears of Hope by Mmutlanyane Stanley Mogoba as preliminary reading for a PhD. Mogoba was President of Conference/ Presiding Bishop of the Methodist Church in SA for a number of years. Simanga Kumalo recommended him to me as a powerful preacher and I am motivated by this book of addresses/sermons. They were given between 1988 and 1992 - a time of significant change in SA and which preceded even more significant change. Mogoba writes with conviction, with knowledge (that is rare these days) and with love (unfortunately also rare). His call for reconciliation and co operation between races and ethnic groups is deeply Christian. We need more of this today and less focus on black and white and so on.

African Hermeneutic

I am embarking on a brand new investigation for PhD research. I will write more about it as it becomes clearer, but it looks as if I will be looking at 'South African Hermeneutics', probably mixed up with Evangelical and Wesleyan hermeneutics and also that of Paul.
In the meantime, reading an article on African Hermeneutics I find one statement that everyone says is true, but with which I strongly disagree and one with which I strongly agree.
1. "It is impossible for the African to separate interpretation and understanding from all other aspects of life" I think the author is referring to the idea that Africans have no separation between the secular and the spiritual. This is pretty much what John Mbiti concluded from his study of African religions. I have no doubt that he was correct. However, I think that the today's urban African has an enormous seperation in his thinking between the secular and the spiritual. How does one explain the crime rate in South Africa (high) when one sees the apparent commitment to Christianity (apparently 79%) if one does not accept that people's faith is not affecting their lifestyle? In other words, the spiritual is separated from the secular.
2. "The text that African Hermeneutics tries to understand is much wider than the biblical text, or western-oriented theology, since it includes the African world as text." I find this to be true - most African Christians (in my opinion!) give their culture and lifestyle equal status to Scripture. For them 'truth' is found in text and context (by which I mean social context). This is a difficult tension to hold - yet I think the way forward is to find the most Christian way of holding this tension, rather than to pretend that it doesn't exist.
Point 2 really interests me - but it veers away from Biblical studies into whatever the study of culture is, so I may not be able to work on it in my PhD!

ARV's are damaging the funeral industry

How's that for a newspaper headline? Seen from the Daily Sun in Pietermaritzburg.
It goes along with the taxi drivers who were stopping motorists on the N4 and letting down their tyres if they were carrying passengers.
This country has sick elements and we need to face it!

More Brentwood Adventures

Today was Local Preachers' Sunday which meant that Brentwood had a Local Preacher from another circuit in the district. I wondered whether to go this morning, as I thought the service might be quite long, but decided I would as I was hoping for some bank statements from the treasurer. I arrived at about 9:15 - to find the preacher and two friends, but no stewards - whose job it is to be welcoming and all. So, I apologised and tried to be friendly. Apparently one of the stewards had been there - this poor lady is increasingly taking on far too much of the work in the church - and had gone off to do something. Soon after the other steward arrived - and explained that I would be doing communion as well. Didn't anyone tell me? Um, no.
It was interesting to observe the visitors - they are obviously used to a more formal service than we have, but they adapted well. I haven't seen a manel/ frock coat for a while. His dress reminded me of Grahamstown. And made me aware that Brentwood is quite different as an African congregation.
There was a meal afterwards and then I needed to give our visitors a lift - via Howick Methodist where their colleague was preaching. I was home by 1.30 which wasn't too bad.
But it is sometimes hard to see if God is really at work in situations. It was not an easy morning for me (although I wouldn't call it hard!) Did my role help people know Jesus better? Probably I impressed the visitors (white person at a black service) - but I'm not out to score noddy points for myself. It somehow has to come back to Jesus.
Trust. I have to trust him, even when I can't see it for myself.

First Week Back

The psychology of a seminarian. Of this seminarian. I'd love to know what the others go through.
I started the week with a moderate amount of 'refreshed by the holidays energy'. I did feel like I was hitting a bit of a brick wall when I came back to the seminary - but it hasn't been too bad. Maybe it is just the usual adjustment from being in control of one's own time to being at the mercy of others. I have been working way too hard - and there is not a soul on the planet who can even begin to understand that(oh, alright - I guess everybody goes through it!) I think this might be an integral part of the minister's life - and I am very happy to confess that if this part of 'formation' then I am happy to be doing it in the relatively 'safe' seminary environment. And it is formation because I am subjecting myself, by and large, to the 'working way too hard' - it is not decreed by others.
But at the end of the week I am able to believe that God is faithful. I can see things coming together in a number of places and already I feel a sense of burdens being lifted. God is good.
Some of the seminarians are very stressed. Others seem less so. One has been discontinued by the Methodist Conference. The new term carries on.

Killing ourselves gently (1)

My grandfather had a story, an experience, that I think many share. He suffered from gout and took it off to the doctor. The doctor explained that the food that he ate determined the severity of the gout. For this reason he gave him a prescribed diet - I think it might have been a list of acceptable foods. At the the next few visits to the doctor it was noticed that while the gout was improving, my grandfather was becoming thinner and weaker. Eventually, the doctor asked him what he was eating and my grandfather showed him the diet that he had been given. "Are you keeping strictly to this?"
"Absolutely."
"No man! No wonder you are so weak. When we give you a diet, we expect you to cheat on it. You are going to kill yourself."
My grandfather was understandably peeved.
In the Christian life, we have the words of Jesus, "Love your neighbour as you love yourself."
Yet advice in many leadership and lifestyle books is, "Don't worry so much about pleasing others/ what other people think about you."
Somehow we have turned Jesus' words to love each other into a thing that destroys us. We try to please others and . . .
Abandon our principles
Abandon our self-interest and self-worth
And probably other things.
How do we reinterpret those words into our society today?

Growing

It's funny - I enjoyed chapel last night, after saying I found it hard. Good preacher, friendly people. Maybe God is showing me it can be done - hope so!
I thought of something that helps me pray - should have thought of it ages ago - yesterday morning I prayed for the people whose Facebook updates and tweets showed up on my cell phone during my prayer time. I prayed for people that I've never even thought of praying for before. I'm going to try to add that to my regular routine.

Keeping the spark

I've come back to seminary life somewhat more refreshed than I anticipated. This is good and bad! Good because I'm throwing myself into things with some enthusiasm. Bad because I resent the cage bars that seminary puts up (and which I had managed to forget). I know I will adapt to the routine again. One of the things that I (and others) have been told is to never allow the church or anything else to put out the spark or flame for ministry and God's service.
But so often it is the structures that are supposed to bring life that breathe death. I try to enjoy chapel worship, to connect with God, even just to speak to him, but I find these times so so hard. And I don't think it is because I am irreligious!
But, we try to keep the spark - Jesus and me!

New Week

I am parked at the Msunduzi Museum at 7.30am. The most noticeable thing is the noise from the taxi rank next door - consistent shouting. It all sounds like business as usual - I realise how little I know about public transport. This is a big taxi rank - more like a train station!
I am at the museum for a meeting at 8am - early because I needed to drop my daughter at the university in time for her lectures. Feeling a bit bad because I am missing chapel and my covenant group meeting. And I'm not sure where this meeting is going. It is with one of the local churches and the Pietermaritzburg Pre-School Association looking at a project we want to do. I'm not sure who else will be there.
It is the first week of the last term of the year. I have quite a busy time ahead. I am looking forward to the holidays - even though we will be moving house in that time. Hopefully we find a house!
Focus for this term - make sure that Jesus is part of any projects that I participate in (if I can). It is so easy to play church, even play kingdom of God. Easy to do things as if they were just organisational and not essentially spiritual. And yet, things go so much better if we are working with God, not independently of him, however pressurised we may feel to go with the flow of busyness.

Re-inventing

I think that my plan for this holiday was that I wouldn't have a holiday. It would be a good opportunity to catch up with myself and the work that is nipping at my heels. Somehow, though, I seem to have fallen into holiday mode (with some degree of 'alas-ness' because the work is still there.)
Am I doing the right thing with my life? Where will I be next year? What are my goals for the next 15 months?
Realising that I am changing - in many ways back to the person I was ten years ago. Is this a good thing? In some ways, yes - an increased emphasis on academic thinking, on assertive leadership. In some ways , no - becoming more independent, needing 'people' less. I feel part of the seminary machine. I need to be part of a family - seminary family?
But it is a phase and I think that I will keep the good and hopefully the bad won't stick too closely when I move on. Two more months and this year is over. I wonder what God is planning for me for 2012? I wonder if I will be conscious of 2011 being preparation for that?
Choices - but I am glad that I have choices. I am glad that I am busy. I need to work at seeing Jesus in all of this.

Looking too far ahead

This morning my eldest daughter and I are heading into Durban to investigate places for her to stay next year as her studies will move her to a Durban campus of UKZN. It is nice to see her becoming independent, although a bit hard for her parents. We are also looking for somewhere for the rest of the family to stay in Pietermaritzburg next year as our current lease will be up - and we are reluctant to lose our dogs, which we would need to do if we all stayed at the seminary.
This can give rise to a mild sense of panic - but especially when I start thinking of the year after next when the church will (hopefully) send me into circuit. We will then have a child studying in Durban and one in Pietermaritzburg. I see us travelling around the country, leaving a child in each university town and having to pay for all their lodgings (as well as university fees) . . .
I think it is a grace of God that we cannot see the future! I am sure that everything will work out alright.

Holidays

Sunshine, birdchirp, scent of jasmine. 7am and I'm still in bed. I'm on holiday for a week!

Being Profound

Generally my blog attracts more comments if I say something - well, thoughtful or thought-provoking. It would be nice (in some ways) to live in a world of theory, of analysis and criticism. To struggle with ethics and right and wrong and better and best.
In reality, my life consists of bits and pieces. Today I tied myself down and did some admin (boring, force myself!) Now I will go out to Brentwood pre-school and just be 'pastoral'. So ordinary and unromantic.
Yet in this postmodern era (and it is postmodern) the theory only has any life when combined with a recognition of the reality of day to day mundanity (is that a word?)

Summer - happy!

Summer has come with some intensity to Pietermaritzburg - it is hot. But for one reason or another I am happier in summer, regardless of the heat. So I am trying to build on my summer happiness.
I also have space today and tomorrow to catch up with my work. I have the gist of my sermon in place for Sunday - it's a complicated Sunday, being WA Sunday and part of a course of Contagious Christianity - got to fit it all together.
The problem with coming out of myself is that I am more aware of other's struggles - my husband is sitting with matric trials to mark and deadlines.
Sometimes, in all of this, I wonder if I am really still a Christian. Going to seminary doesn't make me a Christian (by any means!), going to worship doesn't do it, reading my Bible - better, but not there. Praying - much better. But I think that it is the sense of living every moment of the day (or as many as possible) in the awareness of living in and for Jesus that does it. His Lordship has actually got to be an integral part of my day or I've lost the plot. That has been harder to get right this year than ever before! Today, I believe I can get there.

Black Methodist Consultation

We have a movement within the Methodist Church in Southern Africa known as the Black Methodist Consultation or BMC. The defining feature of this body is that one may only be part of it if one has skin that is black. This organisation emerged during the apartheid years as part of the black consciousness movement and although certain white people wanted to stand with black people in their struggle, the BMC felt that it needed to separate.
Nowadays, the BMC is making itself more public within the church and is making its role one of providing empowerment to black people within the MCSA. The more noticeable role over the last year has been the way it is has 'organised' people into senior positions within the church by rallying votes within the BMC for the leader of its choice. Thus (?) the leader of the church's education unit is a senior member of the BMC. The Dean of Studies at SMMS is the connexional president of the BMC.
Many people feel that the days for the BMC are over. Obviously many more don't.
Perhaps there is a place for it. It is clearly racist - without apology.
Sometimes I feel angry, sometimes hurt. I try hard to be friends with black and white. Sometimes this feels like a slap in the face for those of us who are determined about reconciliation. Sometimes we understand.
But how much better if we could all work together.

No one home

Yesterday I went off to the little church called Brentwood in a relaxed mode - I wasn't preaching, or leading liturgy and the weather was warm and summery. However, the gate was locked and the place deserted. I went for a drive through Howick and came back 20 minutes later - still nothing, just one lady who flagged me down in the street to ask what was happening. This is Africa. It is only the second time that it has happened to me this year - in most ways I am not stressed. But three things that I observed.
The first was my feelings. I was a bit angry because I could have done other things that morning. I had to make arrangements for my kids to be looked after, I'd put people out. But it was also nice not to have to sit through a long service in a language I didn't understand on a summer's day. As I drove back for the second time I couldn't tell whether I was hoping for people or no people. I'm not sure that this says good things about my commitment to the place.
The second was about respecting other people. Mvume Dandala asked a question in our colloquium last week which was phrased around the idea of black people suffering from self-hate and a sense of inadequacy as a result of apartheid. That is undoubtedly true, but the lady who was hoping to find the church happening on Sunday could feel that same sense of self-hate and inadequacy - from her treatment by the church. And maybe I should have been more assertive there.
Thirdly driving through both Howick and Hilton (I was too late to go to service there, although I thought I might) it was good to see that most churches had full parking lots and a good overflow. One might be inclined to think that more people would go to church if there was more parking.
I must admit that I really enjoyed my drive around Hilton and Cedara - it was a sort of a Sabbath for me.

Sneaking time off

I woke about 2am and couldn't go back to sleep, so I reckoned I would just take today off. I had to go into chapel - which rocked! First multicultural contemporary seminary worship in the new chapel. God is good.
Came home and did nothing. For a bit. Then I fixed up some stuff on the seminary web page. Then I tried to work on my UNISA Zulu course, but had to fight with my cd that isn't co-operating. Drove past some houses that are for rent to see what they were like. Went to the shops. Will write an end of term report just now for my internship programme. But somehow it still feels like I'm taking time off - maybe because I'm at home!
Nice, summery weather, with the end of the year and holidays in sight.

A day in the life . . .

A day in the life of a somewhat atypical seminarian.
Drop daughter at UKZN - omitting the now often heard instruction as to what she should do should student protests turn nasty (which happened yesterday).
Fix bug in web page due to MS Word putting its own interesting XML code into documents.
Still to do: Greek homework for this morning.
Create document for photocopying of song words for tomorrow's chapel service because the projector set up is not working yet.
Going to look at a project at Pinetown Methodist Church - with special interest in their training of creche teachers - some interesting plans as to what we might do at a church in Pietermaritzburg.
Greek lecture.
Meeting with UKZN/Sorat admin guy about their web page.
Workshop with other 'Formation Interns' about church viability and audits.
Fetch any kids still not home. Go home. No worship practice because we did it yesterday!
My days aren't usually quite this full, but getting there. I do believe that somehow God will use me in all this and it feels meaningful and worthwhile.
God is good.

Having Fun

I spent a couple of hours today revising my PhD proposal so that it would fit more neatly into the Biblical Studies discipline. I enjoyed it and have become more motivated about my thesis (after despairing that my studies would ever get going). I have emailed that proposal off to Prof Jonathan Draper to get an idea of whether he thinks it will work. I haven't spent enough time properly thinking through the amendments, so I hope that he doesn't find my ideas too scatterbrained (evaluating church systems against a Scriptural 'web'.) I'm excited about the potential of my ideas. I hope it's at least mostly ok.
I'm starting to read for my thesis again - that's also good.

A Little Unsettled

The past few days have had something of a 'good news/ bad news' feel. The best news is that my PhD seems to be back on track. I had planned to do my thesis in Practical Theology, because it seemed the most honest placing of the content, but it could also fit under Systematic Theology or Biblical Studies. The problem was that the Practical Theology programme at UKZN is understaffed due to the death of Steve de Gruchy and the imminent retirement of Edwina Ward. On Friday Prof Jonathan Draper encouraged me to pursue the Bib-Studs option. Hooray! I will need to modify my proposal a little, but I think I actually like the modification better than my first idea.
The bad news is that the owners of the house we are renting are coming back to South Africa and need their house. So we have two months to find accomodation. That was a bit of a shock, but at least we are here in Pmb - it will be a nuisance, but not impossible.
We rented this house while my husband was in Johannesburg and I was in Grahamstown and neither of us knew much about Pietermaritzburg at all. We accepted the house based on photos emailed to us. And it worked out very well - we will be sorry to move.
No doubt God has a plan.

The Seminary is Open

The end of quite a tiring weekend - but not as bad as I thought it would be! The seminary ceremonies have happened. The dedications done, the speeches made. I think it all went well.

I was challenged by the colloquium on Saturday night where Dr Simanga Kumalo and Dr Greg Jones spoke on 'Forming Transforming Leaders for Church and Nation', which is the seminary's mission statement. I would love to have this sort of engagement more often - but it is still too diffuse. We try to cover too much ground in too little time. It is good to be talking and I see the possibility of doing more!

I also enjoyed being with, and seeing John van de Laar 'do his thing'. He wrote the liturgies for the services and was on hand to keep everything running smoothly. He is an inspiration.
Thanks John, you touched me!

Seminary Opening

The next three days are going to be full of the official seminary opening activities.
Take a deep breath.
I don't enjoy 'functions', but I presume that many people do.
There are people who have worked very hard to get the seminary to where it is and they certainly deserve a celebration.
May God be glorified and the name of Jesus lifted high this weekend.

PreSchools, governance, questions

My adventures with the Brentwood pre-school are not really following the formula that they ought. As we get to the end of the year I would like to see that I have made progress, that things are on track for someone to take over next year and that everything is looking good. Unfortunately, I am still struggling with many of the same questions with which I started the year.
Am I trying to apply western solutions to an African problem? Is there an 'African governance' that doesn't require contracts, financial statements and measurements of goals?
I still don't know what is required to make the pre-school 'legal'. In a formerly white suburb there would tend to be checks and forms and threats of being closed down. These things are just not viable in formerly black areas where there is a crying out for anyone to be helping the vast numbers of people in need. In the western world we talk of qualified teachers and accreditation and minimum salaries. We talk of the need to pay school fees and follow up for those who don't. These things are just not feasible in the area where I am working. We can't afford an accredited teacher. We don't really need one - we need someone who cares passionately for the children and is willing to learn.
Sponsorship doesn't seem to work. The system must be self-sustaining. Apparently those schools who are sponsored don't last.
I am floundering.
But you know what - the school will work and will keep going . . . in spite of me.

Catching Up

I think that I am catching up with my life. On Saturday I just said 'no' to seminary commitments and did about three hours of ironing and two hours or so of cleaning and I'm sort of on top of that. It also meant that I was just around for my husband and kids. Then Monday night's Community Forum was cancelled so I sweated at my Greek and also my Zulu (subversive Zulu - not at the seminary!) and I think I might be ok.
What is odd is that because I now feel on top of these things I feel much more able to cope with my other commitments.
And then my son's fish died yesterday and I know that I should have chased him to clean the bowl before - and again I'm reminded that my family and kids really do matter and I can't let that get out of hand.
But I feel more in tune with the way God wants me to live at the moment. There are people who are upset with me - who feel that I should be doing what they want (and I don't mean seminary staff!!) but that's actually ok. This is about Jesus and his work. So there!

Evangelical - the Bible a life-giving resource

Another thing that keeps coming back to me from the Merm convention and which I find liberating is a role that the Bible plays.
The Evangelical 'lives out of the Bible'. We read the Bible and are inspired, motivated, taught, challenged, but also corrected (ok, that sounds just like 2 Timothy 3:16, but I wasn't meaning to quote). Often the Bible is rather used as a judge or a 'place to check if something is ok'. If that is the primary way that the Bible is used it can become something that breathes death, rather than the life-breathing that is given when we read the Bible and live out of it.
So our lifestyle comes out of what we read in the Bible.
Putting that into theological language we can say that our praxis is determined by our theology which is obtained by our reflection on Scripture. A problem may come if we do not in turn reflect on our praxis - is it in fact achieving what we desired after reflecting on Scripture?
So this does part company with Liberation Theology type theologies which say that our theology comes as a reflection on praxis. I'm not sure how the Bible fits into that theme.
As always, I need to think more about this, but I like the idea of living out of the Bible.

Unexpected Celebration

Today at Brentwood I received a present. In honour of it being women's month. I still go through the 'why me? I don't deserve anything just because I am a minister!' but I have learnt to understand. Mrs Kumalo (the ordained minister's wife) and I were just the focus for a celebration that people wanted to happen. They wanted to party, they wanted to collect money and buy presents, they wanted to show love. It's all part of the fun. And we get chosen to be a focus because it is acceptable favouritism. They couldn't buy presents for all. So choose one or two. The leaders are an obvious choice.
That is not to say it is completely impersonal. The love and generosity is genuine and I felt very honoured. Rev Kumalo says that the gift of traditional clothes for both of us demonstrates that we have been truly accepted by the community.
God is good - because who am I and what have I done?

Cow Update

The motivation for the sacrifice of the cow can be found at www.smms.ac.za - you will find the link to the MS Word document at the end of the 'News Update' article. I'm afraid that those looking for a comprehensive, reasoned Biblical article will find it somewhat incomplete. I'd love to hear from any black African readers of this blog - what do you have to say about this?

The Cow Obsession

Longtime readers of this blog will know that last year was dotted with reference to cows. They filled the fields between Grahamstown and Kenton and Port Elizabeth and walked the streets of Grahamstown itself. This year, in Pietermaritzburg, my encounters with cows have been limited. Today, though, there is a new interest in cows. A cow that is coming to the seminary. To die.
Next weekend is the official opening ceremony with the accompanying influx of dignitaries and presumably long speeches. This weekend is the African initiation of the seminary - complete with cow sacrifice.
I do not have the faintest idea how to respond to this!
It goes against so much of what I have learnt and believed about God and sacrifice. But I also understand that it is deeply important to African people - and this is usually reflected in a separation of 'church' and 'tradition'. If church won't accept the tradition then the traditional practices will be done seperately.
I've been speaking to black African people over the last few weeks, trying to understand what it means to them. My bottom-line understanding is that the sacrifices offered are in order to appease or placate the ancestral spirits or living dead. The 'worst case' scenario (in my mind) is that the sacrifice is being made asking the spirit of Seth Mokitimi for permission to name the seminary after him. I asked what would happen if he wasn't happy and was shrugged off - 'we would have known by now if he wasn't happy'. The best case was that it is simply a sign of thanksgiving.
Does the Bible say that we should not have minor gods after the One true God? I know that there should be none before him, could there be some after? The 'ancestors' are not idols made of wood and stone, but 'living?' beings.
I have just received the seminary president's explanation of the event, but have not read it yet. I will make more comment when I have read it!
(Actually, I think I am supposed to put it on the seminary web page! I'll post the link when that is done . . . there goes my time to work on my proposal!)

Bowling Along

I suppose I'm feeling a bit philosophical and you can hear it when I say that my life feels like a bicycle rim being rolled down the street. The rim stops moving if it slows down or if it loses balance. I felt that last semester I managed to slow down too much. I gave myself to little to do and I became bored and unhappy. So now I'm on the other side. I feel as if I am on the edge of panic - will I ever get everything done? But I'm pushing myself through it - in a way I see this as the 'spiritual formation' that I'm supposed to be doing at seminary. I want to be able to build the stamina to work hard and creatively without losing balance.
Helping with strike relief is great - but my programme is not lecture based and the time I give to the strike is lost. It doesn't help me if the seminary cancels lectures (although that only happened for one day anyway). But somehow I am keeping going and in spite of spending this afternoon at the hospital again I am starting to feel like I am winning.
I worked in a more general ward today at the hospital - young psychiatric patients. Even apart from the strike their situation is very sad. But I guess it is better than being on the streets and uncared for.

Caution

The seminarians spent the afternoon at the hospital again today. When I arrived I was waved away from the gate by the seminary president who was on his cell phone to union leaders. The striking workers had warned him that if we went in to the hospital they would call a crowd who would make it difficult for us to get out again. He negotiated, and as far as I understand, it was agreed that we could go in for two hours, we were to clean the wards, but not care for patients and one of the union members would come with us. There were a handful of policemen and a handful of strikers.
In the end we went in and out quite uneventfully.
I know that the strikers want more money, but I can't see the justice in allowing helpless people to suffer as a tool to get their own way.
But I am glad that we could make a contribution. And those taking the laundry to the seminary residences and operating the machines have been working way beyond the few hours spent at the hospital. It is good to see people willing to give and to sacrifice themselves for others.

Remember Carol Burnett?

It was Carol Burnett, wasn't it - who sang with a bucket and mop? My favourite part of today was like that. The seminarians spent the day volunteering at a local hospital in order to fill in for striking hospital staff. Four of us were assigned to a ladies' geriatric ward. After waiting for a while, being introduced to the patients - there were about 18 old people in two distinct sections with one staff member - and drying some dishes, I was given a mop and told to clean the TV room. So, I mopped, with the ladies sitting around watching. After a while one of them started singing 'How Great Thou Art' quite softly, but I joined in and soon another lady joined in and then another seminarian came in for a moment and sang too. I just love the image of the mopping and the singing!
Unfortunately, I had to mop out the door and down the passage. My singing lady tried to come with me, but a visiting nursing sister chased her back into the ward. So I mopped by myself. And the old people sat in the ward/tv room by themselves.
But for a moment it was good!

Is the Bible self-explanatory?

Much of what I heard at MERM affirmed what I already believe. It helped me think more clearly and offered new interesting angles. There was one thing that made me stop and think because it challenged me to change my belief. Dr Martin Atkins mentioned that John Wesley said that the Bible was not self-explanatory (or was it self-revelatory?) and that was why we needed preachers. I've held for a long time that ordinary people are quite able to understand the Bible - with the aid of the Holy Spirit. But I have also wondered then why we have preachers and teachers. I know that I read and understood a lot of the Bible 'by myself'. I am afraid of a sort of elitist thing that says 'I am a trained minister and therefore I can interpret the Bible and not you' which is open to abuse. Also, I think it is terribly unsettling for a congregation to be told too often 'I know this is what you think this Bible passage means, but actually it means that'.
On the other hand, training in understanding the Bible is definitely helpful, as is preaching. So is the Bible self-revelatory or not?
I wonder if the real thing is that the more we know of the Bible the more we can understand it. We talk easily about 'the whole tenor of Scripture' - but how many people genuinely know for themselves what is in the whole of Scripture? Yet academic training in Biblical Studies tends to teach selectively rather than holistically.
It's coming clearer, but I need to think some more!

Strikes and Action

Now here is something that I like. Tomorrow the seminary is effectively shutting and all the seminarians are being bussed off to a local hospital to provide relief. Today there was apparently only one staff member and over 250 patients in the hospital. This because of the wage strike that has hit the country. We will probably be washing floors and similar exciting chores, but I'm sure that we will do whatever what is needed most.

Consultation Reflections

Here is round one of my personal reflections on the MERM consultation that I have just attended. This is the stuff that 'spoke to me'. There will be other later that made me 'think'. I'm afraid some of this is vague - somethings are difficult to blog about in detail.
Firstly, the conference was a time of deep healing for me of wounds that I just did not know that I carried. I really need to focus on allowing that healing to 'take' and to remember this moment. I feel so reinspired to be a 'good' Christian and I can sense God's love and grace for myself and others in a way I haven't felt for years. I am so humbled and challenged and afraid that I can't live up to this.
Secondly, I have become aware of the real damage that is done by labelling each other - particularly within the Methodist Church. I know that I and others in presenting the Evangelical position have been labelled Fundamentalists, which is not fair and is not the same thing. Beyond that, there is the sense that all Fundamentalists are judgmental and graceless and that again is not fair - although we all know people who are like that. I realised that many people who take the label 'liberal' are not liberal in the sense of the 19th century liberals, but are often more dogmatic about their position than Evangelicals. Our labels in the Methodist Church are not helping!
Thirdly, I was so affirmed by meeting people who think like me. They were intelligent, deeply committed, loving Christians. I feel I am in good company (although I may have a way to go to be like them!) I have read Ken Schenck from Indiana Wesleyan University for some time and have enjoyed his thoroughly Wesleyan position. Martyn Atkins from the Methodist Church in Britain encouraged me so much with his intelligent and reasoned understanding of Evangelicalism. I am not alone!
By the way, the key speakers were Rev Dr Martyn Atkins who is general secretary of the Methodist Church in Britain and has been principal of Cliff College for some years. Also Ross Olivier, our seminary president and also a former general secretary of the MCSA. There was also an address by Rev Norman Raphahlela from the Education for Ministry and Mission Unit (part of the MCSA structure).
God is good!

Being Evangelical

I've just spent the weekend at the Methodist Evangelical Renewal Movement consultation - or countrywide gathering. It was such an encouraging experience. I must admit that I went along with some hesitancy as I have struggled to fully understand what this fairly new movement is all about. I hoped to catch a sense of their vision - and I did. I am still trying to process and absorb everything and I hope that I will blog about it all eventually.
What I think at the moment- it's ok to believe the Bible is the word of God. It doesn't mean I am a fundamentalist (I don't read it word for word literally).
It's ok to believe in a 'whole salvation'. We speak of both personal salvation and social salvation. Personal holiness and social holiness.
The Bible informs us of these salvations and 'holinesses'. I go to the Bible to discover how to live in order to bring about the kingdom of God.
Sometimes people understand the word 'evangelical' differently and even negatively - that doesn't mean I am like their understanding!
The Methodist Church has always had a missional ecclesiology and we should reclaim that.
There is too much more and I really need to process it properly.
I came away believing that there is real hope for the Methodist Church and the God truly is a God of love and action.

What headache?

After struggling with flu and headaches for the last two weeks, they finally seem to have broken. I feel better . . . Now, does this have something to do with the fact that my covenant group prayed for my headaches? Or were they going to go away anyway? God is good.

On Spirituality . . .

I have been continuing to reflect on my experience of African spirituality at our recent outreach. Not that this was the first time I encountered it, but it was my longest sustained encounter.
The 'trouble' with spirituality is its personal nature. My spirituality is the way I encounter God heart to heart - or at least that is my current understanding of the term. I come from a tradition that is rooted in a modern worldview and therefore things are analysed and explained - to a large extent I understand my spirituality and can explain it to others.
I don't think that this means that those spiritualities that cannot be analysed and communicated so well are wrong. Something like centring prayer is probably practised in many different ways - some I might see as right and some I might see as wrong, but I will only understand it if I can experience it. And even then, I might not understand it. I see African spirituality in the same light. I'm not sure that it can be taught. It needs to be imbibed. I may well never come to understand it or experience it fully.
The other thing is, of course, that while something may not be wrong just because it cannot be explained, that does not mean that it must be right. The question I would ask is whether one demonstrates some sort of positive change as a result of one's spirituality - fruit, I suppose.
But then change is also a cultural bugbear.
Still wrestling.

Greek and other churchy stuff

I am enjoying my Greek classes. I suspect that one thing that appeals to me is the fact that a Greek translation is either right or wrong and so Greek is a bit like Maths in that way - as opposed to Biblical Studies where 'right' and 'wrong' are defined by the interpretation that the lecturer chooses to use. We also have a really good lecturer - Pat Bruce. She keeps going, we don't get sidetracked and she explains everything clearly and confidently. I am so lucky, blessed, whatever!
I started today with 'double Greek', including a test. I then dashed off to Brentwood where we took Communion around the township of Mphophomeni - which is about 5km from Brentwood. I had to rush back to UKZN where I was late for a Greek SI (which means Supplementary Instruction, although it seems to be compulsory). Then to the new seminary campus where the computer guys have managed to sort out enough that I can upload photos onto the web page again. After that, time away from the seminary while I did the family's weekly grocery shopping and then rush back for 'Community Worship' at one of the residences.
I can't complain - it was a useful day. God is gracious.

Preaching Sick

I took a service at Brentwood on Sunday - and I didn't feel well at all. It's not the first time (nor I suppose the last) that I've preached while not feeling too good. But I wondered if it wouldn't have been better if I had just stayed home and felt miserable by myself.
There are two ways of looking at it.
1. The congregation expects the minister to provide hope and optimism and so if I can't pitch up cheerful and full of beans I should rather stay at home.
2. The congregation needs to see that the minister is a human being just like they are and they also have the responsibility to care for their minister.
I somehow want to make both work.
I don't think I preached well, but I wouldn't have got through at all without somethiong extra from God!

Some interesting people

We currently have an American couple working at the seminary. They are retired from business and have decided to come and see what they can do to help at the seminary. They are energetic and excited, so we should see some good things! Doug and Cheri have a blog and I find it fascinating to see how they are adapting to South Africa and what the obstacles have been. You can find their blog here.

Another South African Methodist blogger who I only discovered recently - Don Scrooby.

And for those who haven't discovered this 'mobile' Christian site So What?

Boxed - unboxed

I am getting ANOTHER cold, so I am feeling somewhat grumpy and fed up. Also, I am feeling a little frustrated because in many areas of my life I am waiting for someone else to do something before I can carry on with my work. BUT I am realising that I still have plenty to do, so I have no need to be frustrated. I think I might be getting the balance right - I'm not taking on too much (panic, stress) or too little (frustration, boredom). Of course, if you see me running down the street screaming, you will know that everything went wrong . . .
Today - we did worship for chapel. Nearly everything went wrong and some of it was my fault. So, we learn from that. I also need to figure out what the actual enrolment is at the pre-school and put together some sort of accounts to have a vague idea of what is actually going on. I'll post more about this another time.
I need to figure out what is going on with the SMMS web page - we have several computer companies involved and I don't know who has moved what where. I have minutes and emails to write. I'd like to almost complete the revision of my PhD proposal, but my motivation is low, because I'm not sure if they will have a supervisor for me at UKZN anytime soon. I have notes to write for one small group session for my local church (fun) and local preachers workshops to plan for Brentwood. And a sermon to prepare for Sunday. I guess I won't get it all done today!
It's nice to be busy. God is good. Now, if he could just remove my sore throat and the rest, I'd be happy!

Stop and Go

Something that I hope I am learning this year is how to pace myself. My natural rhythm seems to be 'work until burnout, drop out, bounce back'. I think I've dealt with that some time back, but I still struggle to find a good balance. I find it very hard to stop if there is stuff to be done - unless it's stuff I really, really don't want to do!
At the moment I feel that I have plenty of scope. There are opportunities. I can pick things up or lay them down. And this is great because it is a little like a real church situation - there is always work to do!
So, I feel that I've been going flat out today so far. And I still have worship practice tonight. Now I am trying to stop and take a break for a couple of hours . . . while there is still work to be done . . .

More observations on outreach

To be realistic, in my English-speaking culture, we are very nervous of people who shout, in any setting, especially if there is little coherence to their words, - except maybe when watching rugby. We become concerned that this person is not 'ok'. If I think of the churches that I have called 'home' over the last 20 years or so, I can't imagine the minister standing at the front and shouting and stamping and thumping the pulpit or table, repeating himself over and over again and making little logical progress in his message or prayers. And the look of thunder on the face. We have had black and white ministers in our churches. I think that if any one of them had a 'turn' like this, he or she would be gently escorted to the vestry and their spouse contacted in order to take them home.
That is my culture. I like it - mostly because I am used to it, I suppose, but it also makes sense to me.
This makes it very hard for me to enjoy church services where this shouting is the normal procedure. Now that I am away from the outreach situation I am able to believe that this is an acceptable alternative spirituality. That it is ok for people to worship and find God like this. While I was in it and after an extended period of time I started becoming unhappy, uncertain, insecure. But I really think that was more culture than spirituality.
I have found the same misfit in Pentecostal churches. I'm not happy with extended periods of talking in tongues, when I don't know what is going on.
I need to think more, but I have a lecture - so rather this than nothing today!

Observations on Outreach

There was much to see and learn from our outreach and I will write some more later. But some comparisons between the contempory English church and the African traditional come to mind quite easily. In the English way, there tends to be a lot of emphasis on the training of the participants and on prayer for the success of the mission. This seemed to be completely missing from the African mission. We arrived and were sent.
In our African mission we were able to go from home to home and generally gain access even during the day and during the week without making any appointment. Not everyone was pleased to see us or allowed us in, but we could at least make contact. In the suburban context it is very difficult to do this because houses tend to be empty or and shut up during the day. Also people tend to be unwelcoming, which is a pity.
I think we need to include the preparation and prayer aspect and also the pastoral aspect in our outreach.

Home from the outreach

Our outreach was to a township called Sudumbili - I might not have spelt it correctly. We were based at the Methodist Church there. We arrived at about lunchtime on Thursday and settled into a rhythm of home visits during the day and church healing services in the evenings. We also had morning 'devotions' and some people visited schools, did funerals and there may have been some other things. Our original outreach had been cancelled (I'm not sure why) and this Methodist Circuit stepped in to help at the last minute.
We ate well. We slept in various homes in the township - I shared a double bed with a (female) colleague. We were woken by roosters at 3am! People were wonderfully friendly and helpful.
We also had a number of Evangelists and Biblewomen who met with us and worked with us. These orders within the Methodist Church cater for those who wish to work fulltime in the church, but not to enter the ordained ministry - usually because they do not have the academic background required. In black African settings they are very useful as there are not usually enough ordained ministers and they carry a lot of the pastoral load. You would recognise the Biblewomen by their blue uniforms with wide white collars. Evangelists wear a clerical collar with the stud in the front, to distinguish them from ordained ministers. I think that deacons do the same . . . I'm not sure!
The style and organisation was very black African and I did find that a bit of a strain. They call the preaching 'nyuka' preaching, or YMG preaching. It has a lot of shouting and passion, and for us westerners, little content. Not that there aren't preachers who can combine the two - I have heard some good (to me) sermons - but they are few and far between! I guess, though, that if this works for people, it's ok. Sometimes I can almost understand it, but I find it very difficult.
It has left me tired and a little discouraged, but it was good to be exposed to this way of doing mission.
Monday is a public holiday - time to recharge the batteries!

Uzondelelo

All of us at the seminary are going on an outreach/ mission for the next few days. I'm not too sure exactly what it entails, but I gather there will be home visits and church services. We are also taking food parcels. We are heading to somewhere around Mandini which is about two hours up the coast from Durban.
We will see what happens - my own feelings are neutral. I know too little to either look forward to it or be afraid of it!

A day in the life

I am sitting in a classroom at UKZN waiting for a Greek class which starts in 15 minutes. We have a test today (do we know the alphabet!) Next, I am supposed to go to a Internship group session which is usually fun, but I have to go shopping. We are going on an outreach to a 'rural' area tomorrow and we need to wear culturally appropriate clothes. So, I have to go buy a black clerical shirt and clothes to go with it. Yuk - not my idea of fun at all.
At lunch time we have our covenant group meeting. Most of the group are keen and interested, but one or two just seem to want to be difficult. Still, it should be good.
This afternoon is Zulu classes - last week's class was good, so should be ok. After that I have pre-school governing body meeting at Brentwood.
Somehow I have to fit admin in around the edges. I think I'm getting a cold.
That's my life today. God is good.
Here comes the noise and I must stop!

Points of Excellence

At the start of a new phase of the seminary year - and in a sense of my ministry as a Christian - I have been asking questions about my goals and plans. The probability is that I won't be at the little Zulu community of Brentwood next year. I have about four months left there. What should I do? How can I make a positive difference - over and above what I have been doing?
I asked myself which five areas of church life really needed to be excellent. That's an interesting question. What must exist, what must be adequate and what should be excellent?
Unfortunately, it is also not a helpful question in the context. Off the top of my head I chose financial management, worship and preaching, mission focus, small groups and every member ministry as key areas of church life. Not one of those - from my western perspective - is even adequate at Brentwood. Ok, preaching and worship will do. But otherwise . . .
So I want to turn my back on it because the problems seem too big. There's not enough that I can do. And that is the malaise in a large part of the Methodist Church. Ministers and leaders are just overwhelmed and so ministers give up and wait for their time to move on to the next church, where they hope they will be able to make a difference.
Something needs to change. We need to be more open to God's power, even to believing in ourselves. To take risks, to change. I am thinking more about 'black' churches, but it affects English-speaking churches too.
Need to think.