Thursday, June 10, 2010


I got an sms last night from the steward at Brentwood (the little church where I am involved part-time). Nothing serious - he has flu and we wouldn't be able to do the pastoral stuff we were planning for today. No sweat for me, there's no urgency. We can do it next week, next month, whatever. So sms him back, no problem, get better soon.
Then realise I'm starting to feel flat. What happened? Where'd my inspiration go? Oh, yes the sms. But no sweat, right?
Trouble is, from my point of view, that bit of pastoral work was the reason for today. Without it why should I get out of bed in the morning?
Small, small thing. Only really noticed because I'm thinking about these things. So today I'll be busy. Mostly with stuff that I do by myself. In some senses for myself.
I don't feel as depressed as that might sound - but it is little things like that that can feed depression. The sense that you don't do anything that really matters.


Anonymous said...

And you're involved in fulltime ministry. Imagine how it feels to be a tent maker with the same passions and constraints.

David Barbour said...

Hi Jenny,

We should have had that coffee today!
I don't know which monk it was or from what century he crawled out of but he would wake up each morning and say "This is the best day of my life". I used to force myself to say this when in Pretoria North :)

Jenny Hillebrand said...

Hi Mark - I was in that place for so long. I thought I was escaping it, but it seems a little longer still.
David - I wondered if I should have called you. I think I should have! But it is a pain when you put off something and then the reason for putting it off is no longer there and you could have done it after all. Oh well, life is.